I have been rebellious my entire life. “Rebel Without A Cause”… that’s me. My parents tried to raise me in a Christian home, but they had Christianity sorely mistaken for dictatorship. Growing up I wasn’t allowed to date, so of course I dated as many people as I could in secret. I had sexual relationships with most of them, and had a hunger to be wild. This destructive craving continued into a relationship which produced my oldest daughter, Haley. By the time that her dad and I married, I had cheated on him five or six times, and eventually developed a deep bitterness towards him. It was almost like a movie or something where the blood thirsty vampire had to give up her love for the taste of blood for someone, and ended up hating him for it in the end. Well, in my case that bitterness lingered on until I finally just snapped.  I ended up in a mental health facility after attempting to take my own life. Needless to say, I was lost.

We ended our marriage shortly after, and as a result of my behavior I lost custody of my daughter. That’s the kind of thing that happens to the kind of person that I was. A lost person. But, my story doesn’t end there. If anything, that is where it truly begins.

God had been speaking to me for quite some time….just calling to me constantly. I tuned Him out for so long that His voice had become an annoying  and distant blur. Then one day it happened. I took a long, hard look at myself and at my life, and I surrendered. The white flag came out and I asked Jesus Christ to come and save me from myself. Romans 10:9- “If you confess with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord’, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.” And I was! It was that simple. Jesus became my safe haven. His grace poured over me like an abundant waterfall, and I became new. My destructive nature left me and was replaced with a new hunger. This was a hunger for the fruit of the Spirit. Galatians 5:22,23- “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.”

I am now married to a wonderful and beautiful man who loves the Lord as much as I do. God has blessed us with two children, Noah and Bridget, and we have another one on the way. Also, since giving my life to Christ, I have been delivered from cancer. I was diagnosed with Leukemia after Noah’s birth in 2006. The battle was long and difficult, but I am now in remission. God has been so good to me. There is no limit to what He can do once you hand Him the wheel. The hardest part is just letting go. We all have a rebellious nature because we are all born with sin. But, the good news is, God wants to rescue us. John 5:24- “ I tell you the truth, whoever hears my word and believes Him who sent me has eternal life and will not be condemned; he has crossed over from death to life.”

Like the old hymn says, “What can wash away my sin? Nothing but the blood of Jesus.”

I still don’t have my daughter, Haley, but I do have faith in the Lord and I trust His will. He knows the deepest desires of our hearts and wants to please us.

Thank you for my new life, Lord. Thank you for adopting this broken little girl into your Holy family. I love you!